the black sheep

i cant believe i'm posting in black i got the idea from xiau wei when she did it once...
i dont really want ppl to see this but smart people will know what to do and read this post...

.. kays here it goes, i cant take my life rite now....i just cant take it. i'm considered the black sheep in the family who doesnt listen to my _______. i keep on getting scolded by my mum bocause of basketball and for your information ppl i'm doing something i love with fear. everytime i play, i always play with fear of somebody knowing and i can't take it. if only that person can trust me enough to let me jugle my life with sports and education. all i'm asking is to let me control of what i like to play and the results i get. u guys never trust u think i am a fool and a idiot for liking this sport. i am constantly reminded of what happen on the past. YOU think i am not scared but i am. i can cry in bed just thinking about it.OMG... dont u get how i feel. you think i want to do this?. i know i'm only 13 and growing up. YOU dont even let me make mistakes. i'm already being forced to let it go. every time i'm around u, i gotta fake a smile, fake happiness, fake everything!!.... gosh...i'm currently cursing in my head rite now.i know i got 5A 5B 1C for my results.. for me it already sucks....i know ..i'm wanting to do better in form two.COME ON!...even i got disappointed with myself...i know nowadays braniacs are born and its not as easy as last time...u get B and u get a good job... sorry i'm not like the older ones, in uni and working already..they are all freaking smart!! do you see anyone liking any sports...i told you i'am the black sheep..an unwanted black sheep..you support me sometime and i love it when u do..but when u want me to quit u just...OMG..i cant even find the words to explain it.. every time i go for trainings u think thats the reason why i got this sucky marks... all of you think that...have u not thought that the reason why i got this marks is because i didnt study enough??...and not because of basketball...everything i screw up u blame it on that 1 thing...u cant find other things to blame?...i'm not just talking bout you...i'm talking bout everybody!! i can see everyones expression changes every time i say i have something on..you all have no idea how happy i am when i'm playing...gosh...i am so stressed out right now...i might do something stupid that i have always thought of when u bring up the subject...i bet i'll get scolding and __________ when one of my family members sees this... i fell like screaming when everyone complains.... I, YUKICHONG HOCK YENN, CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.... i need to talk to someone that will listen, i dont care weather its a counselor or monk...i just really need to talk to someone. to tell you the truth your all too over protective. sometimes its good but most of the times it SUCKS!
i really cant take it la...i'm sorry i even post this up.its not like i want to humiliate this family..its just the only way i can express my feelings besides in a diary that i hate...i just cant take it...
i promise myself if history reapeats itself then i cannot live in this house anymore...i cannot live with people that do such a thing. i really cannot take it. I'M SORRY!...i know it is stupid but i am dead serious. i really cant take all this... i think thats all i'm gonna post...to angry to type summore... GOSH!! ..this key board i think i'm gonna have to get a new keyboard...

ps: this post is about so many people and not you!! please dont get me wrong.